Cashiers
by Foley Artist
Summary: An homage to of one of my favorite movies, 'Clerks.'
1. Default Chapter

(Background note: This parody is meant to take place between the time that Kim and Ron first get their jobs at Bueno Nacho, and when Ron starts to really get into the job. I'm inserting an extra day between it all to make it work)  
  
(A BLACK SCREEN with the following MESSAGE)  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the Kim Possible characters. Nor do I own any part of the movie 'Clerks.'  
  
(The MESSAGE fades)  
  
(A BLACK SCREEN with the following CAPTION)  
  
CAPTION: RON.  
  
(Cut to RON's BEDROOM. There is a pile of clothes on bed. The phone rings. A hand reaches out from under the pile and blindly reaches for it. After a moment, it finds it)  
  
RON:(Under Pile): Hello? (Pause) What? No, you go to work, I'm staying home. (Pause) Because I'm tired. (Pause) What do you mean I have to? (Pause) *You* signed me up! (Pause) Fine, fine, I'll go in. (The hand hangs the phone up. RON emerges from the pile, very tired. He leaves)  
  
(BLACK SCREEN with the following CAPTION)  
  
CAPTION: KIM.  
  
(Cut to a burrito-folding station at BUENO NACHO. KIM is folding burritos. RON enters through the employees entrance dressed in his work clothes)  
  
KIM: (To herself, singing) Two weeks to jacket, two weeks to jacket.  
  
RON: Hey, Kim.  
  
KIM: Hey, Ron, Ned said you're working the counter.  
  
RON: (Looking around) Where is Ned?  
  
KIM: He said he'd be late coming in today.  
  
RON: Huh.  
  
(RON goes to the counter. He looks around, to make sure NED isn't hidden somewhere. When he is confident, he pulls out his BUENO NACHO S.O.P, slips a smaller book inside, and begins to read. A customer approaches)  
  
CUSTOMER: Uh, a burrito.  
  
RON: (Into mic, disinterested) Burrito. (Pause. RON gets an evil grin) (To customer) Are you sure you want that burrito?  
  
CUSTOMER: Yeah, I'm hungry.  
  
RON: Are you *that* hungry?  
  
CUSTOMER: What do you mean?  
  
RON: Well, you know what goes into those burritos, don't you?  
  
(CUSTOMER shakes his head)  
  
RON: Well, (Leans over and whispers into CUSTOMER's ear. CUSTOMER takes on a look of horror and disgust)  
  
CUSTOMER:(Disgusted) Really?  
  
RON: Really.  
  
CUSTOMER: Ugh, on second thought, never mind.  
  
(CUSTOMER runs out. KIM approaches the counter with the burrito)  
  
KIM: Burrito.  
  
RON: Take it back, guy changed his mind.  
  
(KIM shrugs and goes back. RON grins)  
  
RON: Maybe this job won't be so bad after all. 


	2. Mucilage

(BLACK SCREEN with the following CAPTION)  
  
CAPTION: Mucilage.  
  
(RON sits at the counter, reading a magazine behind the S.O.P. BONNIE enters, wearing a backpack)  
  
BONNIE: Hello, Ron.  
  
RON: (Preoccupied with Reading) Bonnie.  
  
BONNIE: Some nachos.  
  
RON: (Into mic) One nacho.  
  
(Pause. KIM comes to the counter with the nachos)  
  
KIM: I'm going to go outside and take a breather.  
  
RON: All right.  
  
(KIM leaves)  
  
BONNIE: Mind if I eat them here?  
  
RON: I don't see why not.  
  
(KID IN THE GREEN SHIRT enters)  
  
KIGS: A Pepsi.  
  
BONNIE: You sure about that?  
  
KIGS: Ugh, yeah.  
  
(BONNIE takes off her backpack and takes out a bag of BLACK THINGS. She slaps them on the counter)  
  
KIGS: What's that?!  
  
BONNIE: Those are teeth. Person who's head they used to be in drank Pepsi three times a day. Why don't you try some Coca-Cola instead?  
  
KIGS: Um, okay. (To RON) A coke.  
  
(RON turns around and gets a coke. Hands it to the KIGS)  
  
KIGS: Um, thanks.  
  
(KIGS leaves)  
  
RON: Um, Bonnie. If you're going to eat those, maybe you should eat them at one of the tables outside.  
  
BONNIE: No, I'm good.  
  
(GIRL IN THE RED SHIRT enters)  
  
GIRS: A coke, please.  
  
BONNIE: You sure about that?  
  
(Cut to outside. KIM is talking to WADE on the KIMMUNICATOR)  
  
KIM: Anything on Drakken?  
  
(TWO KIDS enter BUENO NACHO)  
  
WADE: Nothing, Kim. You might actually have a Drakken-free day.  
  
KIM: Well, keep me posted. (Turns off KIMMUNICATOR)  
  
(Cut to interior. BONNIE has the crowd in a frenzy)  
  
BONNIE: So all of you buy Pepsi. You've all been tricked! For instance, did you know that Pepsi causes cancer?  
  
RON: No it doesn't!  
  
BONNIE: And why should they listen to you? You're the one selling Pepsi.  
  
RON: Because there's no evidence of that!  
  
BONNIE: There's nothing to disprove it, either! But one thing has been proved. It causes tooth decay! So, fellow teens, you should demand something better for you! Demand Coke!  
  
KIDS: Coke! Coke! Coke! Coke!  
  
(RON starts to panic)  
  
KIDS: Coke! Coke! Coke! Coke!  
  
(KIM enters and sees this. She calmly goes behind the counter and pulls out a SODA NOZZLE. She sprays the KIDS with SODA. They stop. BONNIE starts to sneak away)  
  
KIM: Hold it, Bonnie.  
  
(BONNIE stops)  
  
KIM: (cont'd) Okay, what's the deal?  
  
BONNIE: What's what deal?  
  
KIM: If you don't tell me what you're up to, I'll tell everyone about the school dance.  
  
(BONNIE looks shocked)  
  
BONNIE: You wouldn't!  
  
KIM: Wanna bet?  
  
BONNIE: Fine. (Pulls out a card) I got a job working for the Coca-Cola company.  
  
KIM: And what better way to push the product than to trash their competitors? Get out.  
  
(BONNIE leaves)  
  
KIM: (cont'd)(To KIDS) And you! What kind of people are you that will do whatever someone else tells you to? Learn to figure things out for yourselves!  
  
(The KIDS look shamed. All but one leaves. That KID turns to the counter)  
  
KID: Um, a Pepsi?  
  
(RON looks angry. Goes back and gives him a coke. KID leaves)  
  
RON: Thanks, Kim.  
  
KIM: No big.  
  
RON: You know, I have a strange feeling this has all happened somewhere before.  
  
KIM: It probably has. 


	3. Pococurantism

(BLACK SCREEN with the follow CAPTION)  
  
CAPTION: Pococurantism.  
  
(RON sits at the counter, reading a magazine hidden behind his S.O.P. KIM also sits at the counter)  
  
KIM: Slow day.  
  
RON:(Preoccupied with reading) Yeah.  
  
KIM: What are you reading?  
  
RON: Leo Tolstoy. 'War and Peace.'  
  
KIM: No, seriously.  
  
RON: MAD Magazine.  
  
KIM: Ah.  
  
(Pause)  
  
(Cut to outside. JUNIOR and BIG MIKE walk out in front of BUENO NACHO)  
  
(BLACK SCREEN with following CAPTION)  
  
CAPTION: Junior and Big Mike.  
  
(JUNIOR moves around, trying to attract attention. BIG MIKE stands with his back to the wall, stationary)  
  
JUNIOR: Woah, man. I think we're gonna do good today, man. We stand out here long enough I think we'll make a sale. (Calling) Yo! Test answers! Who wants test answers? We got science, history, math, ugh, and other classes! Straight off the teachers' desks!  
  
(Cut back to interior)  
  
RON: You know, I've been thinking.  
  
KIM: About what?  
  
RON: In the original Star Wars, when Vadar is just about to shoot at Luke, Han flies the Falcon in and shoots one of Vadar's wingmen, which blows up. Then, the second guy panics and bumps Vadar's ship out of the trench.  
  
KIM: Yeah?  
  
RON: Well, how Han he able to get so close? I mean, there was a battle going on, don't you think the Imperials would be patrolling the area better? I mean, they used those big guns to fire at those little X and Y- wings, but they decided to leave a ship at big as the Falcon alone? It doesn't make sense. What do you think?  
  
KIM: I think you're incredibly bored. (Looks around) Where's Ned, anyway? He said he'd come over at take over for us at noon.  
  
RON: What time is it now?  
  
KIM: One o'clock.  
  
RON: Oh, man.  
  
KIM: I'm gonna give him a call.  
  
(KIM goes to use the phone)  
  
KIM: (Dials, pause) Hello, Ned? Hey, listen, Ron and I were wondering when you were going to come in and take over for us. (Pause) What?! What do you mean you won't be coming in? (Pause) International Manager's Meeting?! But what if- (Pause) Fine. Fine! (Hangs up, angry. Goes back to counter)  
  
RON: Bad news?  
  
KIM: He's not coming in today! He says that he had to go to a manager's meeting.  
  
RON: You mean we're stuck here?  
  
KIM: I know! What if Drakken starts something?  
  
RON: We could leave.  
  
KIM: No we couldn't.  
  
RON: Why not? We're technically off duty. Ned didn't show up and you have prior engagements. You have to save the world.  
  
KIM: When you're right you're right.  
  
RON: Darn straight. 


	4. Quandary

(BLACK SCREEN with following CAPTION)  
  
CAPTION: Quandary.  
  
(KIM and RON sit at the counter. RON is reading and eating a burrito)  
  
KIM: Did you pay for that?  
  
RON: Yeah, but I gave myself an employee discount.  
  
KIM: How much was your "employee discount?"  
  
RON: One hundred percent.  
  
KIM: I see.  
  
(RUFUS climbs out of RON's pocket, goes over to the cheese machine with a basket of nachos under it. He pushes the button, then begins chowing down on his snack)  
  
RUFUS: Mmm. Employee discount.  
  
KIM: You know, Ron. If you continue to give yourself these "employee discounts" we're going to run out of food.  
  
(RUFUS pulls another basket of nachos under the cheese machine and repeats his previous actions. KIM groans, and takes out her CD PLAYER and an album to play)  
  
RON: What're you listening to?  
  
KIM: The new Britina CD.  
  
RON: Ah, the basic short-lived pop star.  
  
KIM: What'dya mean?  
  
RON: I mean that she won't last a long time. No pop star ever does. However, an underground rock band like, say, Led Zeppelin, will last forever.  
  
KIM: I suppose you're going to explain this.  
  
RON: Yes, I am. You see, a pop star like Britina has been over-exposed. She is thrown into the midst of popularity with one hit song and everyone likes her because she's pretty and people say that they should like her. Now, a band like Zeppelin hides in the shadows, sort of, and pass themselves around by word of mouth. Not only does this get people who are truly interested in them, but it gives them a lot of creative room.  
  
KIM: Which Britina doesn't have?  
  
RON: Correct. That's another thing, pop stars don't write their own music, it's written by other people. Therefore, after a while, it'll all start to sound the same. Whereas, with an independent group, who have no ties to the music industry, they write their own music and produce unique songs.  
  
KIM: Fascinating.  
  
RON: So, after all the exposure, the pop star will soon die out, while the unconnected band will have a long, prosperous life.  
  
KIM: Very intriguing. (Looks to the kitchen) Hey, can you get me some nachos?  
  
RON: Sure. (Goes OS to kitchen) Hey? Where are all the nachos?  
  
KIM: Rufus ate them all!  
  
(RON returns)  
  
KIM: (cont'd) Now I have to go out and get more. You stay here and watch the restaurant.  
  
RON: No way, I'm coming with you.  
  
KIM: But you have to stay here, who will watch the store?  
  
RON: I don't want to be left out. Besides, it's my fault we're out of nachos, so I'm obligated to come.  
  
(Cut to KIM and RON walking to the store)  
  
KIM: I'm glad you came, I'll probably need your help. I just hope the restaurant's all right.  
  
RON: It's 2:00, it's not like it's particularly busy at 2:00.  
  
(Cut to Bueno Nacho, where people are pounding down the door to get inside)  
  
(Cut to KIM and RON going into the store)  
  
(A BLACK SCREEN with a the following CAPTION)  
  
CAPTION: 5 minutes later.  
  
(KIM and RON run out of the store carrying two large boxes of nachos)  
  
(Cut to a now deserted Bueno Nacho, where KIM and RON run through the employee entrance)  
  
KIM: (Angry) Why did you do that?  
  
RON: How was I supposed to know that the pile wasn't sturdy! Besides, his wife wasn't hurt that bad.  
  
KIM: At least 100 metal cans came crashing down on her. It's not good!  
  
RON: Tell you what, I'll stock the nachos while you run the counter. You should have an easy enough time.  
  
(RON goes to the back and KIM goes to the counter. JUNIOR and BIG MIKE enter)  
  
JUNIOR: Woah, what's a cheerleader doing working at a fast food place?  
  
KIM: Earning an honest living.  
  
JUNIOR: Cool. A Pepsi. Big Mike and me just finished working.  
  
KIM: You mean selling stolen test answers?  
  
JUNIOR: Yeah, I guess so. It's a living.  
  
(KIM turns around, gets a soda, and gives it to JUNIOR)  
  
JUNIOR: (cont'd) Dude, you seem, like, tense. You okay?  
  
KIM: I guess so. It's just that my boss was supposed to take over for Ron and myself at noon and he bailed on us. I mean, what if there was a world crisis?  
  
JUNIOR: I don't know, just do whatever your boss tells you.  
  
KIM: But what if he's wrong.  
  
JUNIOR: Dude, do I look like I have the answers?  
  
KIM: You were selling tests.  
  
JUNIOR: Whatever. (To BIG MIKE) Let's go, Big Mike.  
  
(Pause. BIG MIKE stays where he is)  
  
BIG MIKE: People will always tell you what you should do, but it' up to you to figure our what's really important.  
  
JUNIOR: (OS) Come on, Big Mike!  
  
BIG MIKE: I'm coming. I'm coming.  
  
(BIG MIKE leaves)  
  
KIM: Just like in 'Clerks.' 


	5. Nongermane

(BLACK SCREEN with the following CAPTION)  
  
CAPTION: Nongermane.  
  
(KIM and RON stand at the counter)  
  
KIM: Bueno Nacho's not very busy at night, is it?  
  
RON: Nope.  
  
(Pause)  
  
KIM: I'm bored.  
  
RON: Wanna go play hockey on the roof?  
  
KIM: First of all, have you seen the roof? It's a sombrero, there's no place to play hockey on. Second: we have nothing to play hockey with.  
  
RON: Not true. We could use an empty cup for a puck.  
  
KIM: And the hockey sticks?  
  
RON: Brooms! Come on, what'dya say?  
  
KIM: Nah, it's getting dark, anyway.  
  
RON: You're right. (Pause) Want to play inside?  
  
KIM: No.  
  
RON: Come on, it'll be fun. And look at the time, it's not like anyone's gonna come in!  
  
KIM: All right.  
  
RON: Great. (Goes to get brooms. A few seconds later, returns with two brooms) It'll give you a chance to relax. Take a load off work.  
  
(KIM takes a broom. RON stands near the counter and KIM goes to the opposite side of the restaurant, positioning two chairs which are her goal. RON drags two chairs near the counter. He picks up an empty cup)  
  
RON: Let the games begin.  
  
(RON drops the cup, holds his broom like hockey stick and swings at the cup. KIM runs up and swats the cup back at RON, who deflects it. RON goes after the puck. KIM jumps onto the counter, then leaps off and lands in front of RON, just as he is about to take a shot at KIM's goal)  
  
KIM: Not today, Ron.  
  
(KIM slaps the cup out of RON's reach with her broom and goes after it. RON pursues. BRICK FLAGG enters)  
  
BRICK: Ugh, what are you doing?  
  
RON: Playing hockey. (RON hits the cup towards KIM's goal. KIM easily defects it)  
  
BRICK: Dude, it is such a good thing that you're not on the hockey team.  
  
RON: We have a hockey team?  
  
(RON blocks KIM's shot at his goal)  
  
BRICK: Yeah, and, not for nothing, you're terrible.  
  
RON: Oh yeah? And you're that much better?  
  
BRICK: Yeah.  
  
RON: Okay, show us something.  
  
(Gets a broom and hands it to BRICK. RON and BRICK line up. RON drops the puck. BRICK easily gets the puck away from him and heads for the goal. He brings his stick back and takes a slap shot. The cup flies through the air, over the counter, and knocks loose a shelf above the cheese dispenser. A box resting on the shelf falls and lands on the cheese dispenser, which starts to malfunction and spews out cheese at an astonishing rate. KIM, RON, and BRICK look on in shock)  
  
BRICK: Ugh, I've got to go.  
  
(BRICK bolts)  
  
KIM: *sigh* So much for relaxing from work. Come on, Ron, game's over. Back to work.  
  
(KIM and RON go over to the malfunctioning cheese dispenser) 


	6. Denouement

(BLACK SCREEN with the following CAPTION)  
  
CAPTION: Denouement.  
  
(KIM and RON sit at the counter, after having cleaned up the cheese)  
  
RON: I hate this job, I really do.  
  
KIM: It's only for a little while. Two weeks. Then I can get my Club Banana jacket and get out of here.  
  
RON: You know what the worst part is? I didn't even want this job! You dragged me into it.  
  
KIM: What? You expect me to suffer through this alone? Besides, you're the one who's making it boring. Because of your lack of enthusiasm you've made the job worse than it really is.  
  
RON: Maybe you're right. I'll try to put a little more into it tomorrow.  
  
KIM: Good idea.  
  
(Pause)  
  
RON: Do you think anybody's going to come in?  
  
KIM: Probably not. Want to close early?  
  
RON: (Sarcastic) I thought we can't do that.  
  
KIM: Hey, it's Ned's shift. He didn't show up, so, technically, he's the one closing early.  
  
RON: I like the way you think.  
  
KIM: Wanna catch a flick?  
  
RON: Sounds good to me.  
  
(KIM and RON begin to put things away)  
  
KIM: What are we gonna see?  
  
RON: I don't know. How about an action film?  
  
KIM: Ron, our whole life is an action film.  
  
RON: Good point.  
  
(KIM and RON put the last of everything away)  
  
KIM: Look good to you?  
  
RON: Looks good to me.  
  
(KIM picks up her jacket and she and RON leave. Pause. RON sneaks back in and goes to grab a few burritos. KIM pops her head in, takes RON's jacket off the jacket hook and throws it at him)  
  
KIM: We're closed!  
  
(THE END) 


End file.
